I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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