I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
