I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
