Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
