the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
