It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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