Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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