Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
