i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
