My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
