tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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