that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
