So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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