i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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