Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
