I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
