It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
