how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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