$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
