she looked like the before picture.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
