are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
