She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
