I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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