I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
