i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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