ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
