What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
