the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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