I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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