just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
