also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
