the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
