dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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