We need to rekindle our bromance
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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