I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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