I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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