If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
