I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
