You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
