Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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