You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
