Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i believe in u and ur pee
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
