Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
