I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
