Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i need an iv and a liver transplant
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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