i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
