As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
