we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
