Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
