Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
