you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
