Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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