So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
